I was fired from my job this week.

Full disclosure: It was my own fault.

I worked freelance for several months producing marketing materials for two companies that are in similar markets. Previous to my involvement, six employees left to work at the same company (WOW) that I willingly contributed my freelance services. There is sufficient back story to expose, but the short of it is the Founder of WOW (DW) was once employed at my new former place of employ (MNFPoE), he increased sales many fold, proposed to implement a new efficient production method, was told “No”, then lost his focus and subsequently fired, then began a new startup, WOW.

Like so many times throughout history, politics got in the way of a potentially good thing. Egos flare and feel threatened by bold ideas pushing for change. Differences of philosophies clouded abilities to perceive benefits, muddying the goal of increased sales and market share. Thus DW begins an unceremonious start up and the war begins.

I was bummed how that transpired because I took a liking to DW’s insights, progressive knowledge base, and abilities to present a business model that could have benefited MNFPoE. I was really rooting for DW to foster positive change — nor was I the only one. After the fallout, colleagues I respected began leaving MNFPoE one-by-one and repopulating at WOW, an exodus that did not go unnoticed by the management team @MNFPoE, even though they never publicly acknowledged it, until I was terminated.

I went into work early Monday and couldn’t log into my computer. I knew right then that I was going to attend a meeting that morning, just didn’t know when it was going to start. As it were, it commenced promptly at:

9:32a. EST. May 21, 2012.

It lasted no more than 2 min in duration, including the time it took my boss to ask how a colleague’s wedding over the weekend fared. The boss’ wife arrived 30 seconds into the meeting, just in time to watch the decapitation because my boss struck quick. He laid out a B/W copy of a set of 2-color business cards produced for the offending company with a documented log of date+time handwritten inside a hand drawn cartoon cloud indicating when I had that file open on my work computer. He then informed me of my involvement on a postcard I had done for WOW, as well as my clandestine involvement with the nefarious 60-page product catalog which brought about this consequential episode. I did manage to receive some parting accolade though — the 60-pg catalog was summarized as “good work”.

“Did I have anything further to add or say?” I said, “No.” Without any pause and words running into others, all I heard was “You’re fired,” followed by some 401K info, time and vacation pay, “get your stuff and I’ll walk you out,” rising up from his chair to serve as the exclamation point and lead the way out of the room. I guess he likes to cut like a knife and have the recipient induce a state of shock.

It did not work. I was not traumatized.

Over the weekend there were signs to indicate my termination was looming on Monday AM. I kinda thought that any working relationship would be tarnished beyond repair if I were allowed to stay employed. In that observation, I began to think do I even want to return. I have certainly been discontent for some time and hearing former employees reveal frustrations in their former experience @MNFPoE — along with several current employees — I ask myself why I just didn’t leave, find another job, or establish a vibrant clientele to support sustainable freelance work on my own. Why couldn’t I realize it was time to move on to new creative endeavors and leave on my own terms rather than be fired?

Fear.

The Unknown.

Uncertainty.

The Great Doubt.

Subconsciously I accepted work from WOW to put myself in this very situation. To force myself to move on. To stand at once in front of this Fear. Be one with the Unknown. Fully embrace Uncertainty. Question the doubt and cultivate another province of security and contentment. Of course, I’m saying this as a new found former employee. What else would I be saying, that they’re going on to the promised land without me?

I cannot dwell on my mistake. I acknowledge my unscrupulous actions and recognize I hurt several upstanding people. I can only learn from my awareness, putting myself intentionally in this predicament, hoping someone else would make the choice to cut me loose, fully realizing I was too afraid to sever the relationship myself.

Eternally, another day dawns….